Zara Buren… January 10, 2006 - September 21, 2020
Around this time last year, I was preparing a blog post on all the books I had been reading during Covid lockdown that I felt were helping me. Books on managing anxiety, perfectionism, sleep hygiene, etc. I was on a roll and noticed that if I could manage my emotions better, my pain wasn’t so intense. Then it happened. The worst thing you could ever imagine (though honestly your brain won’t let you truly imagine this). Zara died.
October 5th marked 11 years being paraplegic. I’m grateful to be alive and for all the amazing people in my life, and I’m proud of the things that I’ve accomplished since that fateful day, but one thing that still consumes my life is neuropathic pain. Because of my spinal cord injury and not being able to use my lower body, my brain generates pain signals that make it feel as though my lower body is on fire. I know that it’s not, but that’s what it feels like.
Since my last blog, the bulk of my time has been focused on getting version one of the NBT Mentors website/engine complete and online. I love the process of building things, so the last two years of brainstorming with friends, family and colleagues about the idea of creating a mentoring community was enjoyable. Now that version one of the website is built, the hard work of building a community begins.
It’s been a long time since my last blog. While I started writing a number of times, it was nothing I wanted to post. I’ve been very preoccupied trying to manage my neuropathic pain and I didn’t want to depress anyone with where my head was at. I’m having a bad year (I think it’s the unsettled weather and decrease in training), but I’m trying hard to stay positive. These past couple of weeks at the cottage have been better.
It’s really tempting to go into some ‘deep-thoughts’ writing on the inspiration and significance of my tattoo, but the truth is really simple. I wanted to permanently record for myself a reminder of what I can accomplish, and the incredible experience of Hawaii with my girls and racing the Ironman World Championships. If others like it, that’s great. If not, that’s totally fine too. This is for me, but I’m happy to share with those who are interested in the ink.
